I am Harry Potter & this is MAGIC!

Hogwarts is the best! I missed it loads while I was away & since I've been back I have learnt how to make a chair wobble & how to make a chicken weep! Brilliant! We also discovered how to make the colour green just by adding yellow to blue but that wasn't as exciting as the weeping fowl spell. Just messing with a bit a paint really.

Visiting with the Weasleys

I got to spend the second week of the Easter holidays staying with Ron Weasley and his family. It was very welcome after a week of Dursley hell. We had lots of family meals and magical boardgames like pocket quidditch and monopoly: wizard edition and chocolate dragon eggs. I was very helpful and cast lots of washing up spells. Ron's mother told me I was like the son she never had. When she said it, she squeezed my hand and we both looked at Ron, who was using a pivotum spell to make his Easter egg spin round. He did that for the whole Easter weekend.

Back from holidays

Well, the easter break is over. I had to go back to my cupboard for the first week. My fat uncle wanted me to get a job at the all night garage round the corner. Screw that! Every time I see those stupid Durseleys I want to cast a murderium spell, but I always restrain myself from doing so as it would be ungentlewizardly of me. If only they knew how close they come to getting beheaded or turned into cats every time they look at me with their stupid fat faces.

BOTHERATION!

It didn't work.

Again... I grow stronger.

Today is the most special of days diary, for today I will create the most powerful magic I have yet! Magic so magical it makes my scar glow even THINKING about it! The Mindblow-Amora Spell! Wow!

First, I must take a scraping of Unicorn horn, then a drop of Dragon's tear. Next, I must capture a rat's sense of fun before adding a slice of thinly-sliced ham. The last ingedient...a lock of my own hair!

I wouldn't tell Ron & Hermione this (or maybe I will after I've blown their minds) but I am very very proud of myself.

I will die tomorrow

Quidditch is tomorrow so once again I will be soaring through the sky upon my broomstick at high speeds trying to catch a magical ball which seems (although I am still not sure about this) to have a life all of it's own; a life it seems intent on spending trying to kill me. Quidditch is a dangerous game which I wish I hadn't become a part of.

Sleep! I demand it!

I grow stronger. Last night I cast a Snoozeacluster spell upon myself & was asleep by 8.30pm without drinking my usual Magical Horlicks potion from Diagon Alley. All of my other Gryffindor chums fell asleep across the course of the evening too. I must remember to keep my magical powers under control...

BEST. DAY. EVER!

Of all my days at Hogwarts so far today was definitely the most magical of all! Because... a dog got into the grounds! My best best friend Ron was the first to spot the dog (a dog!) and at first I thought it must have been one of his pranks but NO - it wasn't! It was A DOG! A DOG IN HOGWARTS! And not even a mystical, mysterious, spell-dog - A REAL, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS DOG!

Remember: less magical Salad Cream next time

I made my lunch today without using my hands. It was a ham, lettuce, tomato & salad cream sandwich which I made entirely with magic. Upon my eating it at lunchtime I told my pals Ron & Hermione about it and nasty old Professer Snape overheard me & said I was a big-headed buffoon who wasn't special or chosen or nothing like that. Well in that case how did I make a sandwhich without using my hands? Stupid Snape.

Street

My best friend Ron has been trying to help me become more street tough. This has meant me learning many new words & phrases, some of which I recognised from having them yelled at me by my uncle when I lived under the stairs (was he 'street'? I must ask Ron). The next lesson is how to stop crying when I think of mum & dad - I can't wait!

Half Time

Today was the big quidditch game. It got to half time and I found out Hermione was in trouble. I had to make a quick decision to what was more important and I decided to go save Hermione. I thought my team mates could pull it off with out me. But no, we lost. Do I have to do everything.

Gangsta Steez

Today I tried holding my wand in a sideways grip to look more gangsta. It did look pretty cool, but a massive bolt of magic flew out and rebounded off the mirror. It must have hit Ron because when I turned round to apologise his entire face was covered in eyebrows.

Ghost Counselling

I went to see the school counselling service today. Still really frightened of all the terrifying ghosts haunting this castle. What with this being my first term away from home It's a lot to deal with, even though I am an extremely brave and special wizard boy. Turns out the counselor *is* a ghost. It was really awkward and extremely spooky. I'm putting extra anti-ghost potion on my bedsheets before I go to bed tonight, just in case.

HAUNTED!

I just saw a freakin' HUGE GHOST! Oh my god! It's head was flapping around all over the place! Jesus Christ! HOGWARTS IS HAUNTED! Oh no. God no, not ghosts. I want to go home. I want to go back to my closet. Not ghosts.

Owl Studies

We had Owl Studies today. OS is probably one of my favourite subjects anyway as I am absolutely mad about owls, and today was even better than usual because we got to watch a video. There were clips about owl training, owl hygiene, owl history and where is the best place to keep an owl. Turns out you are not meant to just stuff them in a backpack. Then I went back to the common room and fed my owl a big sandwich. I would say today has been Owl-tstanding!

It's NOT "All About the He Says She Says B*******t"!

ARRRGHH! Today at Enchanted Woodwork I found a note which had been placed on my desk while I had been busy working at the Mystical Circle-Saw. When I read it I couldn't believe my be-spectacled eyes! A letter from my long-dead parents asking me to meet them after class by Hagrid's hut! Once the bell had rang I raced out to see them, eager to be held. And, sure enough, there they were... I couldn't believe it, exactly like in the photograph I carry with me everywhere & look at non-stop - my long-dead parents. I started bawling immediately & ran towards them. That's when I noticed something odd. They were both wearing Limp Bizkit T-shirts just like the ones those lunatics Crabbe & Goyle wear all the time. It was about then that they started laughing. And pointing. Those clowns Crabbe & Goyle had used Polyjuice Potion to turn into my dead parents to laugh & point at me and I hate them I hate them I HATE THEM!!! Then that Draco Malfoy jumped out from behind a tree & got me with a Wedgie Jinx. ARRRGHH! Perhaps I should have known when my name was spelt 'HaRi poTa' on the note. Maybe Hermione's right, maybe I am dim after all...

The Dim One

I am not the dim one! Stupid Hermione Granger said I should be called the dim one today. I am not the dim one, she is. Stupid Hermione. I just kept my cool, but I’ll show her, I'll show them all.

Support For Gryffindor

Fred and George Weasley offered me a performance enhancing spell for the big quidditch game next week. I know they meant well and did it in support for Gryffindor, but I had to decline. "First" I told them "Cheating's more of a Slytherin tactic and I do not wish to stoop to their level. Second, I am Harry Potter. Have more faith guys."

Making Neville Cry

Last night was such great fun! Ron's creepy twin brothers sneaked a Traumatisatotum potion into Neville Longbottom's cocoa & he went bananas! I laughed so much the scar on my forehead glowed bright red. Though it has meant all of us Gryffindor boys are all quite tired today. The Traumatisatotum potion made him cry throughout most of the night & we didn't get any sleep because of his weeping. I bet I wouldn't cry over a potion.

And you know what else diary? I'm sure I've heard some of the pupils here whisper my name as I walk by. At first I thought it may have been a Paranoidniogorgio Spell but it's happening more & more every day. Even some of the teachers seem to look at me funny too. Maybe it's my bright-red glowing, lightning-shaped scar. I'll ask Hermione, I bet she'll know.

Magic Lice

Oh no! There's magic headlice going round so we all have to comb stinking potion through our hair with a hard metal wand. I bet they came off Neville.

End Of Term Show

I've been trying to write a rap to perform at the end of term show. I'm a bit stuck

Yo! I'm a wizard, check out my skills, they come right out my wand like lyrical spells.
I used to live under the stairs, Muggle-born, son of a Mudblood,
but check me out now sucker!
I'm a seeker, a player, a half-blood gangster, but all that aside I never raise my wand in anger.
A master in defense against the dark arts, I got more wizard gold than Gringotts' volts.
I'm known throughout the wizarding world, I got a cool scar, with Hermione and Ron by my side I'm gunna roll far.
Check out my owl fool.

That's all I've got so far.

Slug Loss

Dear Diary. I am sorry I ever went to the elf race. First I had a big argument with Ron and told him he couldn't come because he wasn't invited. Then when I got there, it was horrible. The bigger boys were being really mean to their elfs and some of the Slytherin boys had even written swear words on their elf. I wanted to cry. I couldn't go til it was over, though, and I lost the jelly slugs I borrowed from Ron. When I got back, him and Hermione were giving me the cold shoulder. Sometimes it is very hard being a wizard. I suppose I will just have to take comfort from some of the amazing magic I know, or cast a happiness spell on myself.

Girls!

Stupid Hermione Grainger dobbed me in to Ron. Now he knows about the elf race and wants to come with me. I knew I shouldn't have told a girl! I was getting ready to sneak out and Ron showed up wearing a home knitted balaclava and a carrying a lunchbox full of jelly slugs "for bets". I was so angry with Hermione I wanted to cast a punching spell on her face. I said I was too tired and didn't know if I was even going to go but he didn't take the hint. I'm trying to stall him by writing in my diary and seeing if he gives up, but he is still sat there, counting out his stupid jelly slugs and talking about the system his dad has for betting. I wish he would at least roll his balaclava up.

Elf Race

I can't wait for friday night. We're going to race the house elfs! One of the older boys told me they meet up in a secret spot and do it once a month. The only problem is he told me I'm not allowed to bring Ron because he is a try hard. I am conflicted as I really like Ron, but I can also see that he can be over eager sometimes. I know my parents would want me to be loyal to my friend, but I don't think they would want me to miss out on any wizard japes either. I'll probably just tell him I am going on a mysterious adventure and forbid him from following me. He'll understand.

Cleaning Products

Professor McGonagall said our dorm wasn't fit for a bicorn to live in and demanded we clean up. I said that we had no cleaning products. McGonagall told me to use the Nimbus 2000. Screw that!

Sideburns

Me and Ron are trying to grow sideburns using the Pubismus spell we got off Roger two years above us in Ravensclaw. It hasn't worked yet, though Ron swears he feels like there might be some hairs growing under his skin, ready to burst out. I think Roger might have ripped us off. I swapped him five gobstones and a chocolate frog.

Stupid Fours

Today we had a lesson called maths. I had never heard of it before, but it's like a kind of boring magic where you turn numbers into other numbers. Instead of a wand you use a pencil, and instead of amazing basilisks and satyrs theres just stupid fours and sevens. Me and Ron didn't even pay attention, we just sat at the back of the room making tiny ghosts appear with the CREATE MICRO GHOST spell we learnt. Micro ghosts are amazing.

Stink Demons

We had a party today. It was great fun. It was never planned. Gregory Goyle put Thriller on and we all started dancing, jumping on the beds, singing into our wands at the top of our voices. Ron put his tie round his head like he was Rambo. Ha, Ron slays me.
What we didn’t know was saying Mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa while waving a wand casts a powerful spell.
It unleashes stink demons. They were everywhere and the stench was vile.
It took creepy janitor Filch ages to clean it all up.

Room Mate Problems

My room mate Ron is really testing my patience. He keeps playing his favourite song Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus over and over again. I might ask to move to Hufflepuff if that silly hat will let me.

Sex Education

Rubeus Hagrid had to substitute today because Professor McGonagall has the trots. It was so funny he really didn't know anything. He mixed eyebrow of fox with snail trails and and piff poff poof kaboom. Oh how we laughed. He found it funny too and admitted trying to teach potions was futile. So he asked us what we'd like to learn about. Seamus Finnigan the naughty little scamp shouted out "Sex!". We all did a little giggle, but Hagrid said it was actually an important thing we needed to know about. I felt very uncomfortable while Hagrid told us all these horrible things. Did you know girls bleed right out of there fannys once a month. Girls are gross.

Snot Grobbers

My friend Vincent Crabbe and I were walking through the village of Little Whinging today, to get some snot grobbers (Vincent’s new favorite sweetie), when a large grok of a man barged right past me. “What a brute” Vincent said. “You should zap him with your wand Harry. Zap him hard”. I turned to Vincent and said, “No, I do not raise my wand in anger, that is what makes me the best wizard in the world”.