Stink Demons

We had a party today. It was great fun. It was never planned. Gregory Goyle put Thriller on and we all started dancing, jumping on the beds, singing into our wands at the top of our voices. Ron put his tie round his head like he was Rambo. Ha, Ron slays me.
What we didn’t know was saying Mama-se, mama-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa while waving a wand casts a powerful spell.
It unleashes stink demons. They were everywhere and the stench was vile.
It took creepy janitor Filch ages to clean it all up.

Room Mate Problems

My room mate Ron is really testing my patience. He keeps playing his favourite song Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus over and over again. I might ask to move to Hufflepuff if that silly hat will let me.

Sex Education

Rubeus Hagrid had to substitute today because Professor McGonagall has the trots. It was so funny he really didn't know anything. He mixed eyebrow of fox with snail trails and and piff poff poof kaboom. Oh how we laughed. He found it funny too and admitted trying to teach potions was futile. So he asked us what we'd like to learn about. Seamus Finnigan the naughty little scamp shouted out "Sex!". We all did a little giggle, but Hagrid said it was actually an important thing we needed to know about. I felt very uncomfortable while Hagrid told us all these horrible things. Did you know girls bleed right out of there fannys once a month. Girls are gross.

Snot Grobbers

My friend Vincent Crabbe and I were walking through the village of Little Whinging today, to get some snot grobbers (Vincent’s new favorite sweetie), when a large grok of a man barged right past me. “What a brute” Vincent said. “You should zap him with your wand Harry. Zap him hard”. I turned to Vincent and said, “No, I do not raise my wand in anger, that is what makes me the best wizard in the world”.